“Can love come back in a relationship?”, Nicole asked as I sat down passing on a mug of hot cocoa to her. I was perplexed. She has been seeing her boyfriend for about 8 years and they intend to get married in the near future. So, what… more importantly, why was she asking me such a question? I could see red flags before my eyes. They always seemed like a happy couple and I was very happy for her. Seth seemed like a nice man and they have been living in for about 2 to 3 years. They both are 28 year olds and that never seemed to me to be the age when anyone could end up in a loveless relationship. To tell you the truth, I have been there. Within a year of a passionate relationship, love just fizzled out. I couldn’t feel it anymore, although that wasn’t a mutual sentiment between the two of us. I know people become complacent in relationships and doing special things for each other takes a back seat. But, I am talking about waking up one day to feel no love for your significant other. Marriages are prone to it. I knew what Nicole was hinting at. They both became too comfortable with each other and hadn’t spent too much time together. Suddenly it seemed like they knew each other like they were identical twins and could read each others’ minds.
Are you in a loveless relationship or marriage? You do not necessarily have to feel like you need to give up on this relationship and separate from each other. In fact, the comfort that has driven away passion and love from your relationship is the factor that is binding you two together. Let’s face it, who wants to leave a relationship in which your partner understands you well? Would you like to start a new one that requires efforts to build? No, right? I thought so. But, you know what? You can absolutely bring back love in a relationship! All you need is to give a little jolt to your relationship. Let me explain how.
Give, Don’t Take
Why did you get into a relationship? I am guessing to be loved, feel protected, have someone to count on and split the bills. Ohh yes, people do get into relationships even for all the wrong reasons like the last reason I just mentioned. Do you see a pattern here? We all get into relationships because we want something out of the other person. How many of us get into relationships to give something? Rarely do people have that intention and the relationship becomes a compromise wherein both partners expect something in return for their actions. When you don’t have the intention of being selfless, your partner is not going to be Mother Teresa. Charity starts at home so you better learn to stop expecting and start giving. Leave the trading business to your workplace. We all love to feel good about ourselves. When you give, you are making your partner feel great and happy. This will definitely motivate them to do the same.
Bring Back your First Date
Do you remember you first date; the perfume your partner was wearing, the clothes, the food and the place? Did that just give you goose bumps of happiness and excitement? Well, I’d say you should try to recreate it. As a relationship progresses, we often get out of touch of the memories from the initial days when the love was new and exciting. Wear the same perfume you did on your first date, similar clothes and go back to the place where you first kissed. It will refresh your memories, reminding both of you about your feelings towards each other that you felt when both of you were pretty much strangers. You will also end up reminiscing the nostalgia of new love. How could that at all be bad?
Get a Life!
I have a really simple idea about every relationship. You give space, you get space. I fail to understand how can you stop everything else in your life once you get comfortable in a relationship. We all have busy schedule and get little time after work. But, do you come back home and eat dinner in front of your television set that is as bland as your relationship? Most people stop hanging out with their friends or make it a very occasional occurrence. They also stop doing everything else they would have done being single like meeting new people, paying attention to physical appearance, pursuing a hobby, giving a makeover to the wardrobe or the house and other things that would have kept their life exciting. According to a research study, men are likely to cut down their buddy time with their pals once the relationship with their girlfriend gets serious or if they get married. Do you stay home while he goes out? Now, if you get bored stuck in the same routine and lose the feelings of love towards your partner, who should you blame?
For starters, get out there and encourage your partner to try different things too. Analyze your schedule and manage things in a way that you can squeeze out time to do your favorite things like losing a dress size or two and grabbing dinner with your friends. It will be fun and you will feel good about yourself too.
Change is Good
Break the monotony of your routine. Aren’t you bored of it? Change is very essential to keep up the interest in any person or thing. We like buying new clothes because we all get bored of the old and like to experiment. So, why not try that in your relationship? Don’t change your partner, that is not a wise choice. Instead, add a little sugar and spice to your equation with your partner. If she makes breakfast everyday, get her breakfast to bed one day and surprise her. She will be so flattered. If he washes the car everyday, treat him to some private car-washing in your garage. There are a million romantic gestures that you do for each other to express your love. And it is really exciting. Moreover, you will start feeling good towards each other. I believe, there is no love in a relationship only when you are not willing enough to show it.
I don’t mean nagging or verbally abusing each other. With technology and social networking sites around us, couples often make the mistake of thinking that they know everything about each other and stop sharing information after sometime, while still maintaining the same notion. You get your partner’s new updates and it becomes a source of information on each other, absolutely forgoing talking to each other. So, unfriend your girlfriend or your boyfriend and keep the mystery alive in your relationship. Talk to each other more in person even if you are just narrating a silly incident that happened at your workplace the other day. Apart from that, you need to stop thinking that both of you share a brain and your partner is supposed to automatically sense what you are thinking or feeling. Don’t nag but effectively communicate by sharing your opinions politely. Stop fighting because nobody wants to come home to a volcano of negativity. Also, keep updating each other about new things happening in your life or even a piece of information you just learned. Having something new to share with each other every time in your relationship will prevent it from going stale. It will also form a stronger friendship between both of you so you can trust one another more with no hesitation. There has to be a friendship to bring love back into your relationship.
You live under the same roof, but are you living under a rock? Most people do not understand the idea of spending time together. Watching your favorite sitcoms back-to-back with your partner does not qualify as spending time together. When you spend time together, you should be interacting with each other. Watching each other every day through the same routine makes people think they know everything about their partners. I have heard it so many times from couples. In fact, I just heard Seth say that the other day when Nicole complained about not spending time together. He reasoned that he stays at home all the time so there is plenty of time that they spend with each other. As a couple, you need to spend quality time together and try out something new even if it is going bungee jumping together! It is really not about the amount of time spent in each others’ presence. Do something new, distinct and exciting that you haven’t tried before, like going for a foot spa together, wine-tasting or cooking a new recipe. By the way, there are plenty aphrodisiacs that work and can bring back the passion in your relationship. You should try out a recipe with these ingredients.
Take a Vacation
How does the idea of vacationing on white sands with clear blue water and exotic cuisines make you feel? Great, right? We all love to take a break from our usual routine and go explore a place that is not home. So, pack up your bags and embark on a vacation together. It could even be the suburbs or a cold country, anything that is different. You two will get to spend time with each other while relaxing your mind and body. It is a refreshing change and a thrilling experience. You may even be motivated to work on your physical appearance to look good on your expensive holiday trip.
I don’t know why people think that after a certain time in a relationship, it is okay to shut down and stop expressing your love towards each other. That is just not acceptable. When was the last time you expressed your love in actions to your partner? I love being told that I am loved and I love telling my guy how much I love him, every day. So, stop waiting for his/her birthday or your anniversary or anything else to express your love. Surprise them with the gift or a gesture of love. It reignites the happy feelings that you once felt in your relationship. If you don’t adapt to change, you won’t change and so wouldn’t the relationship that you are in. If you don’t know how to maintain a relationship with your partner and make the love stay forever, there is no relationship that you can be happy in. It is probably your own issue with stability. If you really love change, you can keep your relationship as exciting and spicy as you want. That is, again, if you are up for it. Do remember, love stems from respect, gratitude and passion towards each other. Right now, your partner is still with you. It is never too late so, bring back love in your relationship now before you lose them.